Tomorrow..

Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of the worst 8 days of my life. This day last year my mom unexpectedly went to the hospital and died 7 days later. It's strange how I can't remember anything I did that day before I received the phone call that she was in the hospital but from the moment I received the call and for the 7 days that follow I remember almost every single detail. I remember where I sat, what I ate, what times I went where, everything. I have relived those 8 days of my life over and over again in my head. I often wonder if one instance would have changed any of the outcome.

I know this isn't a fun topic but I want to share this story. So here it is:

My mom worked a full day at her normal job then went on to her 2nd job which was teaching water aerobics - she taught 2 classes that night. During class her students thought that something was wrong with her as she was really short of breathe. My mom said she just wanted to go home, but her students insisted on bringing her to the hospital. I wonder if my mom would have driven home if she would have made it. Even though her death was extremely sudden and unexpected I am thankful for the 3 days I had with her in the hospital before she went into a coma. I'm thankful to those women for insisting that my mother needed help.

I remember the phone ringing that night but Joshua was throwing up so I didn't answer it but I could hear the answering machine in the distance. The call was from one of my mom's students telling me my mom was at the hospital. I ran to pick up the phone. They said they thought she had pneumonia. I rushed over there to find that my mom had congestive heart failure. My mom never smoked a cigarette in her life, she taught water aerobics 5 days a week and was only 57 years old. I was in total disbelief. I kept leaving my mom's room to go into the hall to cry and to call my husband & brother. I couldn't believe this was happening to my mom and I wanted to be so strong for her.

The next day was a Friday and my mom had a heart catheter that determined that she was going to need open heart surgery. My mom was a diabetic and her diabetes was a bit out of control. So they wanted to wait till Monday to do the surgery. In other words, it wasn't extremely urgent. They said her situation was serious but the surgery was very routine. The risk factor was like 1%. Those next few days my mom looked great. I would order her meals, hang out, make phone calls, and of course, secretly worry. My brother came into town late Friday night.

Monday morning, my husband, brother, and I got up bright and early to see her off to surgery. My mom was a nervous wreck. Really, she was horrible. She was having a panic attack and we were doing everything we could to keep her calm as we went down. She kept telling me that she wanted to be cremated - which of course, I brushed off as her fear. Because at this point, the doctors said she would get to come home with me the following Monday. During the long, long surgery I was worried but I was also planning for my mom to come live with me while she recovered. I was thinking about getting a t.v for my guest bedroom and borrowing a recliner from someone. I remember how thrilled I was when they called me over the intercom to come to the phone for an update. They told me my mom made it through surgery and everything went great. She was still sedated but they were going to get her settled and slowly get her to wake up that we could see her in a few hours.

A few hours later we went to see her in the ICU. I expected her to look bad, but she looked horrible. When we got there the doctor informed me that she wasn't doing well. That they didn't know why but she wasn't waking up. That she wasn't responding the way a person normally does after surgery. I went from feeling elated that the worst was over to finding out that things weren't good. They said to go home and rest and see what the next 24 hours brought.

The next day was a Tuesday and we went in to find that she was now considered to be in a coma. That things were even worse. I was her health care power of attorney so they needed me for all the decisions regarding her health. They wanted to open her back up to see if something went wrong and to place a pump in her heart to help it recover more on its own. They did that and still found nothing wrong. They could not explain her condition. Wednesday her kidneys shut down and they started her on dialysis. Thursday her liver shut down and they told me they thought she no longer had any brain function. It just continued to go from bad to worse. And by Friday she was gone.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss my mom. Losing her is by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me. She was my best friend. I'm sad that she will never meet the baby I'm carrying. That she never got to hear Joshua call her Grandma - which he does say when he sees her pictures. That I can't just call her for any little thing that I think of like I use to. I just miss her so much.

Thanks for letting me share this story.